On Being a Woman

I woke up this morning,
I was 4 years past where I expected to be, ever imagined I could be, 
in a country I used to resent.
             I smelled like the lavender extract I dabbed behind my ear before I slept (for 
   sweet dreams).
             I wore a long skirt and a warm sweater
                  Read the book I found I had left for myself in my purse.
    I thought about my grandmother when I saw her picture in my locket, 
    She, who had my mother at 19
    My mother, who had me at 25
I wondered if I’d save the blouse I wore last night for my future daughter. 
I wondered if I actually wanted a daughter at all.


I ached for the love of a sister,
and warmed at the smell of my best friend's perfumed embrace.
I longed for the girls, now women, I grew up with who are oceans away.
I remembered the letters I’d forgotten 
to post to them.
I stared in the mirror and liften my arms, 
Kissed my own lips
Only allowed myself to touch me 
Found so much joy in being so clean

     I felt things deeply and was brought to tears easily; 
     lately, I don’t turn scarlet at the thought of my crying.
     I’m proud to know I can cry and that
     some things in this life are worth crying over –may they be tears of anguish or of joy.

I longed for my mother's fingers to enclose mine. For her to keep me safe, and stroke my cheek 
and call me pet names that only she and I know.
I wanted to feel delicate; I braided lace through my hair.
These are all silly and disconnected things, all of which are of immeasurable value to me. 
Womanhood is comprised of such notions.
It is a collage of droplets of life

Womanhood is the warmest patchwork quilt, 
I am stitched, woven, spun, and sung
By women before and after me
 

The concept of bodily autonomy as a woman is one that is near and dear, and to me is incredibly relevant to how women exist in todays world! My work’s come from the perspective of a young woman trying to navigate dealing with the constant observation that comes with living in the 21st century, surrounded by so much media.